I Quit My Day Job
It’s hard to do. It’s much easier to keep doing what you’ve been doing long after the thrill is gone. This isn’t to say that good old-fashioned perseverance and tenacity aren’t important traits when it comes to our work. When God dispensed these traits, he gave me more than my fair share. But at some point, these gifts, which I possess in abundant supply, began to work against me. Work has a soul. Or more precisely, we have a soul that’s intricately connected to our work. Long before my ears could listen, my soul whispered, Somethings amiss! But Perseverance said, “Be quiet, soul.” But the Soul is more unapologetically tenacious than we are initially prepared to acknowledge. Shane, you love the Gospel, you love church planting, but you don’t like your job very much. “No Soul, you’re wrong, I might not love my job, but every job has its highs and lows, ups and downs, triumphs and defeats.” Yeah, but that’s a lame excuse and really morek about your own self-protection. “Ok, soul, wanna fight, then put up your dukes. I’m 62, I’ve been doing this a long time, it’s what I know best because it’s what I’ve done longest. And furthermore, I don’t have enough money in my retirement account.” Who cares? “What do you mean, ‘Who cares?’, I care, for one! Do you want me to leave my wife and children destitute? That doesn’t sound very Christian-like.” Neither does it sound very Christian-like to simply go through the motions counting the days until retirement. “Ok, you have a point, but like I said, I’m 62, kinda of late to start something else, don’t you think?” Better at 62, than never! You see, my clock and my soul’s clock are incongruous. No matter what my age, my soul is far more interested in my spiritual growth than my holding on to a particular job. Better to have no job at all than to sell my soul-to slowly lose my zest for work, for life. Why would most of us humans, given the choice, endure moderate to inordinate emotional pain rather than face the risks of change? A book by David Whyte, Crossing the Unknown Sea-Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity suggests the answer. He writes, “Sometimes we have built the walls ourselves, but often it is simply the nature of things that walls that once served and sheltered us at certain periods of our life only imprison us when we have remained within their confines for too long. A work emboldens us for a while, and then, if we do not invigorate and reimagine our participation, it begins to enclose us and slowly starve our spirit. Good work done in the same way for too long or done in the wrong way for any amount of time, eats away our sense of being right with the world. …. Often, in order to stay alive, we have to unmake a living in order to get back to living the life we wanted for ourselves. It is this cycle of making, disintegration, and remaking that is the hallmark of meaningful and creative work.” [1]
Still the truth was, apart from God’s work in convincing my soul, which included outside duress, I didn’t have it in me to do. This inability, which was humbling and which I didn’t like, created a yoyo effect as my normal persevering-self battled it out with my soul which continued to insist change was necessary. I’m done…. No, maybe if I try this… Finally, after months of this laborious conflict, I got out of bed one morning with no real agenda for the day, but somehow knew today was the day. I quit my day job. A full month has gone by, and I still don’t see the future clearly, but I’m excited about it.
[1] Crossing the Unknown Sea; Work as a Pilgrimage of Idenity, David Whyte, 2001, Riverhead Books, published by Penquin Group, p. 76-77.